President Bush announced today that more evidence has been uncovered tying international terrorist Usama Bin Ladin to Tragedy Tuesday. The black box recovered from flight 77 contains a coversation between two of the hijakers that specifically refers to orders given to one of the pilots from Bin Laden. The orders consisted of instructions to crash the plane into any highly populated area if the initial target could not be reached. Bush commented on the discovery by saying the conversation shows further proof that the organization operates exclusively on an inhuman level.

"Look bud, Monica is my sister. You are my friend. If you really love her, I would have no problem with the relationship." "Really, you mean that?" "Hey, I get to see my sister AND my best friend from one trip to your house - that alone is gonna save me hundreds of dollars in gas bills." Queue laughing crowd. "So when we stay at your house, you don't mind if she does the wrist trick after you've gone to bed." "HEY, she should've never found out about the wrist trick - that was between me and my pre-pubic friends," Queue light laughing crowd. "and how do you know about the wrist trick?" Ross' eyes narrow. "Oh, uhh, yah, the wrist trick, that's the one where she pours two beers using only her wrists, right?" "Yah - that better be the only wrist trick she's shown you." Enter Tony Danza. Queue cheering crowd.

And in sports today, the Raptors ended their five game road streak to Dallas in a one-oh-three ninety-six double overtime heartbreaker. Philidelphia beat Los Angeles seventy-five eighty-four, and Colorado was hammered by the wizards in a staggering One Oh Five Eighty Seven knockout. Brett Stevenson is still outside the rink on a pulled hamstring, but that didn't stop the rest of the team from heating up the ice.